During those trips I learned how to read a state road map. I still carry an old-school atlas with me in the car, just in case. But today we can open an app on our phones or on the car dashboard to provide us with cues for our travels. The GPS tells us when to exit, merge with traffic, and change lanes. It can provide alternate routes based on traffic, suggest the closest coffee shop, or exclaim “Recalculating route!” when you miss your turn.

But what’s the one thing necessary for a GPS system to function as it has been designed?

A Destination.

When it comes to raising disciples, we should set our eyes on the destination.

I believe that one of the reasons parents and caregivers struggle to disciple children well is that we haven’t clearly identified the destination for their discipleship and the directions that guide them toward that goal.

How would you describe a child who is entering adolescence as an active disciple? Would you choose words that describe their character: loving, joyful, obedient, self-controlled? Or would you choose words that describe behaviors: reads the Bible daily, asks spiritual questions, worships God? Perhaps you would choose words that describe their depth of knowledge and understanding about God and His Word.

Public and private education systems have stated objectives when it comes to student expectations. Lists of student learning outcomes articulate the goals for students at the conclusion of each grade level. Each child is unique and develops at their own rate, so there are those who will exceed the expectations and others who will struggle. But teachers begin each year knowing the goals and guiding students along the path toward achievement. Like a GPS, they might have to find alternate paths for some or help others get turned back around, but with a clear goal and markers on the way, teachers are able to guide their young disciples.

This is what we’ve been missing in our homes and churches — a discipleship map that states the goal for raising disciples and provides directions toward that goal.

In some Christian traditions, the goal for children has been a public confession of Christ; in others, submission through the act of baptism. In yet other traditions, it has been the completion of confirmation classes. Regardless of our tradition, our goal for raising disciples should be the same as the goal for all disciples: to become more and more like Christ every day.

For three years, Jesus taught the crowds, His enemies, and political leaders, but most often, He was teaching twelve ordinary men from various backgrounds, vocations, and experiences. When He chose the Twelve, He had a goal in mind. Jesus knew that at the conclusion of His earthly ministry He would redeem the world through His death, return to God the Father, and equip His followers with the Holy Spirit to disciple others. He needed a core group of leaders who would follow Him daily (Luke 9:23), continuing His mission “to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10) and to “make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19).

As Jesus prepared to leave the Twelve to continue His mission, He met with them to give them some final encouragements and admonitions. Woven through Jesus’ conversation in the upper room (John 13–17), we find descriptions of what it means to become like Christ:

• Follow His example (John 13:14-15),
• Love others (John 13:34),
• Believe in God (John 14:1),
• Keep God’s commands (John 14:15), and
• Remain in Christ (John 15:4).

These descriptors provide some direction toward the goal for all disciples.

With the destination of becoming like Christ as our goal, we can utilize childhood development information from the fields of social science, learning theory, and psychology to create a map for discipleship from infancy to adolescence.* Beginning at birth, there are seven directional discipleship markers — approximately one for every two years of life — that parallel the biological, cognitive, social, and moral development of children. Just as Jesus discipled the Twelve from spiritual infancy to spiritual maturity, we can use this map to raise disciples who become increasingly more like Christ.

Did you like this article? Check out Teresa Roberts’ full book, Raising Disciples, as well as the accompanying free 8-week parenting curriculum today!

Discipleship Tip:

When discipling someone, consider verbally setting discipleship goals. With a destination in mind, you can orchestrate milestones and implement accountability, making sure that you both are progressing forward in their discipleship journey.

*The faith research of James W. Fowler (Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning, San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1981) and insights of spiritual development from John H. Westerhoff III (Will Our Children Have Faith?, 3rd. ed., Harrisburg, PA: Morehouse, 2012) has also informed this discipleship map.

Meet the Author

Teresa Roberts is Professor of Ministry and Christian Formation, Program Director of Children’s Ministry, and a vice president at Ozark Christian College. She is an expert in children’s spiritual formation training with more than 25 years of ministry experience.

Dr. Roberts holds a Master of Arts in Family and Youth Ministry, a Master of Divinity, and a Doctor of Ministry. She serves in children’s ministry at Carterville Christian Church where she attends with her husband and step-daughter. Learn more at discipleshipguides.com/.

The Holy Trinity is a mystery to me, with its three in oneness and its oneness in three, and I can just barely grasp the deep relational nature of how the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit touch and spin and dance off each other and with each other. Hospitality — that generous making room for others and giving and receiving to and from each other from our plenty and sometimes from our scarcity but we do it anyway — seems to flow out of that communal and relational and so generous nature of God. Being holy as God is holy, if we can believe it, catapults us into relationship with others and the practice of hospitality. Holiness is relational, and that is why hospitality fits holiness like a soft leather glove.

Hospitality involves the holy practice of gratitude.

All of this is made easier alongside the holy practice of gratitude. I have this place, this food, this book; please take it and enjoy it as well. We try to believe that everything we have comes from God, and so it is ours not to own but to share. So hospitality is almost always best when it is gratitude adjacent. However, the discipline of hospitality can happen also while you are still a grouchy, miserly mess. Disciplines take discipline. Not everything is easy or feels good right away, but that might mean it’s even more worth doing, and not less.

Hospitality invites humility.

In Luke 14:12-14, Jesus tells us how to throw a dinner party. Dinner parties are, after all, what most of us think of first when we think about hospitality: “‘When you put on a luncheon or a banquet,’ he said, ‘don’t invite your friends, brothers, relatives, and rich neighbors. For they will invite you back, and that will be your only reward. Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you’” (NLT). In Luke 14:8-10, He even discusses seating plans: “When you are invited to a wedding feast, don’t sit in the seat of honor … Instead, take the lowest place at the foot of the table” (NLT).

Jesus knows me so well. He predicts my thirst for status. When we practice hospitality as part of our holiness, we will come face-to-face with our desire to invite first our friends, the people we especially like or those whom we want to especially like us, along with the relatives we are most comfortable with, and, of course, our rich neighbors. We might strut around like a peacock in our own dining room and not even realize we are doing it. Again, our intentional moves toward holiness will show us how far we have yet to travel. Our efforts to do good on the outside will show us how far we are from good on the inside, and in that gap, we learn again of our need for the forgiving, restoring love of God in our own lives and hearts, and how much we need him, even when we are serving macaroni to friends.

We learn something about ourselves — and therefore move deeper into our holiness journeys — when we pay attention to whom we want to welcome in and how we want to welcome them to our homes, our tables, and our lives.

Hospitality helps us to examine our hidden motivations.

As we consider ourselves, we can confess ourselves to God and ask for help. Why am I making this so fancy? we can ask our inner hostess, in an examination of motivation that is a daily part of pushing into our holiness. What is my motivation? Also, Why am I talking about myself so much? And why can’t I stop?

Our honest answers do not bring the dinner party, the coffee date, or the open house to a screeching halt, but instead provide us another opportunity to be honest with ourselves and with God — who is the ultimate and gracious host of heaven and earth now and the new earth that is to come. Make me holy in my hospitality, we might pray. Kill off my show-off-ness, we might ask. Help me listen more than I speak, as my blunt spouse has said I need to work on.

Help me not to be so needy, I can pray as I juice blood oranges for udon noodles with fried tofu and orange nam jim from my expensive hardcover Ottolenghi Flavour cookbook propped open on the counter. Perhaps for a little while, as part of our own healing, we will make a simple spaghetti Bolognese, accept the offer of our guest to bring store-bought garlic bread and let Maureen help with the cleanup, like she always wants to do. We will resist the temptation to offer our guests a tour of our new barbeque and satisfy our thirst for thanks by turning it outward to gratitude to God. What if whenever we yearn for someone to say, “Thank you, you are marvelous for all you have done,” we accept that as a prompt to whisper, “Thank You. You are marvelous for all You have done.”

Hospitality exercises a variety of spiritual disciplines.

Food is just one expression of hospitality. Conversation is another. When we practice holiness through hospitality, we create a space in which other pursuits of holiness can be practiced, such as listening well and not interrupting, putting others first, and offering encouragement and companionship to the person God has placed and we have invited in front of us. From the way Jesus tells us to invite, and the humility presumed in His recommended seating plan, we can assume that we don’t invite people to our table so we can imprison them to hear all and only about us. We don’t tie them to their chairs with our story and our glory.

We can stretch our ability to put others first, and to forgive.

We can practice patience, a fruit of the Spirit we get to work with, toward friends who arrive late (or even worse, early) and those who stay too long. We practice not biting off the heads of those with whom we disagree. If we do bite their heads off at dinner, we can practice the art of unequivocal apology. Apologizing is a holy act. I’m sorry are holy, healing words. Through hospitality’s gift of space opened up and time slowed down, we can “be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep,” which Paul told us to do only two verses after he reminded us to “always be eager to practice hospitality” in Romans 12:13-15.

Discipleship Tip:

Hospitality isn’t about impressing others — it’s about making space for them. This week, invite someone into your home or life with gratitude and humility, focusing on listening and encouraging rather than showcasing. Ask the Lord for opportunities to be hospitable in your community in order to point others to Jesus.

About the Author

Karen Stiller is a senior editor of Faith Today magazine and writes frequently for magazines like Reader’s Digest, Ekstasis, In Trust, and other publications across North America. Stiller is a three-time winner of the prestigious A.C. Forrest Memorial Award from the Canadian Church Press for excellence in socially conscious religious journalism. She is author of The Minister’s Wife (2020, Tyndale Momentum); co-author of Craft, Cost & Call (2019), Shifting Stats Shaking the Church (2015) and Going Missional (2010); editor of The Lord’s Prayer (2015) and coeditor of Evangelicals Around the World (2015). She lives in Ottawa and has a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Non-Fiction from University of King’s College, Dalhousie.

This article was originally published on the DiscipleMaker Blog by NavPress. You can also hear more from Karen Stiller through her book Holiness Here and NavPress’ new podcast, “Good Books, Big Questions,” where Karen hosts bold, loving, and sensible conversations about faith.