{"id":119071,"date":"2021-08-30T20:33:28","date_gmt":"2021-08-31T02:33:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.navigators.org\/?p=119071"},"modified":"2024-02-16T23:40:47","modified_gmt":"2024-02-17T06:40:47","slug":"help-for-depression-during-the-pandemic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.navigators.org\/blog\/help-for-depression\/","title":{"rendered":"Help for Depression: How Do You Know if You’re Drowning?"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
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\u201cMental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say, \u2018My tooth is aching\u2019 than to say \u2018My heart is broken.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n– C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

By Sharon Hersh<\/em><\/p>\r\n

As a therapist, the sentence I have heard more in the last few weeks than any other is, \u201cI\u2019m just so over everything<\/em>.\u201d I suspect the frustration and tension we are all feeling is normal. We anxiously wait for the virus curve to flatten. We scoff at commercials that want us to feel warm and fuzzy about \u201cbeing in this together.\u201d We feel alone in our worries about our jobs, finances, elderly parents, and figuring out what\u2019s for dinner. But when we start kicking gas pumps, we need to do some self-reflection about how deeply this season may be affecting our mental health.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I called a friend and told her about my frustration, and then we talked through all the things I am really <\/em>angry, afraid, and stressed about. Our connection eased the burden, and I assured her I would call her if I felt tempted to take the cares of these tricky times out on inanimate objects.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My regression to acting like a teenage drama queen was a sign that my internal \u201cstress container\u201d was overflowing, and it was cue that I needed support. Calling my friend was a sign that I am steady enough to recognize unhealthy behaviors and seek connection in the midst of my angst. I am also painfully aware there have been times in my life when I\u2019ve been drowning in anger, anxiety, and shame and I have not called out for any life-preserving help \u2013 risking my physical, mental, spiritual, and relational health.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

How Do You Know if You\u2019re Drowning?<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

There are many good depression\/anxiety assessments online<\/a>. Here are some questions that you might not find online but are indicators that you may be going under.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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  1. Have you gone from drinking one glass of wine a week to drinking every night to \u201ctake off the edge?\u201d (According to the American Medical Association<\/em><\/a>, if you drink more than 2 glasses of wine more than 3 days a week, you are abusing alcohol.)<\/li>\r\n
  2. Do you think in all <\/em>or nothing<\/em> terms? For example, \u201cLife will never be normal;\u201d \u201cNo one understands what I\u2019m going through;\u201d \u201cEveryone is too busy to care about me;\u201d \u201cGod is a bunch of nonsense;\u201d \u201cNothing I pray about matters;\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t stand to be in this marriage one more day;\u201d \u201cThere is nothing I like about my family.\u201d<\/li>\r\n
  3. Do you find yourself muttering to yourself about a tense conversation, a cultural issue, or a life problem or do you toss and turn in restless sleeplessness, rehearsing these same things again and again?<\/li>\r\n
  4. Are you obsessed with the election, certain influencers on Twitter, <\/em>or how a neighbor is responding to the pandemic while avoiding your daily responsibilities?<\/li>\r\n
  5. Do you relax by looking at social media and then get into debates with people you don\u2019t know about issues that will not be resolved on Instagram?<\/em>[i]<\/sup><\/li>\r\n
  6. Are you more annoyed or irritated than the situation merits (think kicking a gas pump)?<\/li>\r\n
  7. Are you consumed with fear and shut down from seeing family, talking to friends, or enjoying your favorite snack with a good movie?<\/li>\r\n
  8. Do you believe our world, your marriage, your children, or your own spiritual life is hopeless?<\/li>\r\n
  9. Do you live with a \u201cwhatever\u201d attitude \u2013 not caring about what you eat, drink, if you exercise, if you sleep all day or don\u2019t sleep at all, if you pray, or if you stay connected to friends and activities you have cared about?<\/li>\r\n
  10. Are you overwhelmed with guilt about your anxiety, anger, and cares during this time? In other words, is a lot of your internal dialogue filled with, \u201cI should be happy;\u201d \u201cI shouldn\u2019t care about this so much;\u201d \u201cI need to pray more;\u201d \u201cI have let everyone down?\u201d<\/li>\r\n
  11. Do you consume hours of the news and read very little encouraging, inspiring, or intriguing books or literature?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

    Have you thought you and everyone else would be better off if you were dead?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

    If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, you deserve the gift of allowing someone else to know you\u2019re at risk for drowning and need a life preserver.<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

    For many of us, the pandemic is revealing our need for others. \u201cThe pain of . . . life and the futility of trying to make life work is God\u2019s grace in letting us know that things are not how they\u2019re supposed to be (in or outside of us) . . . God does not allow us to be comfortable in our alienation from him and one another . . . He allows desperation in the hope that we will find our way back to him and to one another.\u201d[ii]<\/sup><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

    The Way Back<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

    Often the best place to start when we are drowning in depression and anxiety is with a therapist. I don\u2019t write that because I am one. I write that because I know myself \u2013 my pride and shame about struggling has often compelled me to a safe, confidential place to begin to process my life. How do you find a good therapist?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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    1. Start by asking trusted friends or caregivers who they recommend?<\/li>\r\n
    2. Call potential therapists and ask how they treat depression and anxiety. Ask how they integrate faith into the process. If you don\u2019t feel like you can make these calls, ask a friend to call and give you the information.<\/li>\r\n
    3. Choose someone who is located near where you live. It\u2019s easier to quit therapy if you need to make a long drive to get there.<\/li>\r\n
    4. Look for someone on your insurance, but if you don\u2019t find a match, ask the therapist of your choice if they will offer a sliding scale. During this pandemic most therapists are willing to work with people in financial distress.<\/li>\r\n
    5. If you don\u2019t feel comfortable with an in-person visit, ask if the therapist does telehealth.<\/li>\r\n
    6. Begin speaking this statement over your reluctance to ask for help: \u201cI am willing to feel uncomfortable in order to be physically, mentally, spiritually, and relationally healthy.\u201d<\/li>\r\n
    7. Before you go to your first appointment, write down all the ways you feel like you are drowning in depression and anxiety.<\/li>\r\n
    8. Commit to seeing a therapist for four sessions in order to begin to establish trust and a rhythm of support.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

      2020 has certainly thrown most of us into an unsteady state. We don\u2019t have to suffer in all the uncertainties and turmoil alone. When we suffer alone, the enemy of our souls wins. When we courageously allow someone to be with<\/em> us \u2013 face to face, soul to soul \u2013 we are living in harmony with God who came to be with us<\/em>; we are honoring our own stories; and we are daring to hope that darkness does not win.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

      Don\u2019t drown.<\/em><\/strong> Make a phone call on behalf of your worn and weary heart<\/em><\/strong>. Trust in a process that says: \u201cThis is the Story in which you have found yourself. Here is how it got started. Here is where it went wrong. Here is what will happen next. Now this \u2013 this is the role you\u2019ve been given. If you want to fulfill your destiny, this is what you must do. These are our cues.\u201d[iii]<\/sup><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

      These days of the pandemic can point us to the Way back, unearth further changes in us, shake us out of complacency, stretch and challenge us, and surprise us with not only the wild goodness of God but the wonder of helping companionship.<\/p>\r\n\t